Joke jokes

What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?

She was too young.

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

What happens when an asian with an erection bumps into a wall? he breaks his nose

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.

What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.

Student: Which end?

What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

Two pedophiles talking to each other:

"Do you got two fives for one ten?"

Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?

Because they can’t ketchup.

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

Immigration jokes just cross the line.

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What do you call a blind German?

A notsee.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."