Joke jokes
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
Memes
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.