Joke jokes

Teacher: Describe a penguin.

Student: Black, white, beak.

Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.

Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.

Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.

Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.

Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?

Student: It describes you tho.

What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?

There’s twenty of them.

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.

Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.

What’s ten feet long and bald?

The conga line in the cancer ward.

I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, and think, "Well, better luck next time."

Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?

Splattered.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Why couldn't she get up?

She had no friends.

Knock Knock (Who's there?)

Not Sally...

What do you call 6 gay men going to war?

Rainbow 6 Siege.

It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.

Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!

Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.

What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"