Joke jokes
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.