Joke jokes

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

What is red and white and goes 200 mph?

A baby in a blender.

Why are emo jokes so infamous?

They cut deep.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!

What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?

An ambulance.

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.

When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."

The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"No, I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"

"Round the corner picking up shit."

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

What did the lungs say to the cigar?

"You take my breath away..."

The emo kid tried to high five the tree.

But the tree left him hanging.

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".

If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?

She was too young.

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?

A: They tend to crash and burn.

When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?

When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...