Joke jokes
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
They cut deep.
What is red and white and goes 200 mph?
A baby in a blender.
Memes
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.