Joke jokes
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
Memes
Make sure to drink milk!!! | Daily Spooktober Meme #2
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
What is red and white and goes 200 mph?
A baby in a blender.
Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.
What happens when an asian with an erection bumps into a wall? he breaks his nose
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.