Joke jokes
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
Here is a joke: Rape.
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
What is the email password of a black person?
"watermelon"
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
What does LGBTQ+ mean? Is it the premium version of GAY?
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Why do pizzas not tell jokes?
They're too cheesy.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.