Joke jokes

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

"Knock knock."

Orphan: "Who's there?"

"Not your parents."

What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.

What do you call a man off the ground?

Hanged.

Yes, I'm CUTE.

C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?

It has better reflexes than the twin towers.

How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?

They never get old.

What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?

They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.

Why?

So it would cut itself.

What is an orphan's family portrait called?

A self-portrait.

There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.

These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.

What are you good at?

Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.