Joke jokes
Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?
Answer: Beethoven's last movement.
Why did the bird lay an egg on Stephen Hawkings?
Because he is Stephen HAWKings.
What do you call a three-legged cow?
Disabled.
Why couldn't the button get off the couch?
Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My penis.
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
Wanna hear a mean joke?
My life.
What do you call high Mexicans?
Baked beans ;)
Deez nuts!
GOT EEMMMMMMMM!
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
What do you call a person?
A person.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....