Joke

Joke jokes

Rape

I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.

Why is that a joke?

Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.

Why is that a joke?

Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?

Why is that a joke?

She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.

No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.

Man

A man found out that he was going to die.

A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"

Then he died and learned how to say no in German....

Mama

Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.

Man

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

Job

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

Reboot

I heard Microsoft got charged, why?

They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.

Hell

Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.

Hose

Why did the guy get the hose?

Because the girl was smoking hot.

Time

Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.

IP

What do you call my IP? 74.125.224.72 hahahahahahahahaha

Crash

I was riding my bike down the road!

When a car started coming, I started running.

It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)