Joke jokes
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
Friend, you so faaaat.
Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.
Why is 5 afraid of 7? Because 6, 7, 8.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
I find bananas very appeeling.
Q: What did one snake say to the other?
A: Nothing because they are both dead.
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
Why did the octopus cross the road?
Who knows and who cares?
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back. The old man wanted to do it with his wife. The man set up everything needed and did the video. He threw it back first, then his wife, but instead of an old lady, it was ashes.
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?