Joke jokes

Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

Why did the Russian cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.

Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.

What do birds and autistic people have in common?

They both flap their arms.

Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?

He had no body to go with.

Two mates walk into a bar.

Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"

Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."

Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"

Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."

Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"

Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?

A: Lean meat.

Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?

A: Because it gives her more work!

Why did the guy get the hose?

Because the girl was smoking hot.

A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.

I don't have any now.

I was riding my bike down the road!

When a car started coming, I started running.

It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)

What do you call a white girl at Starbucks?

At home.

Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.

God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.

What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?

Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.

What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?

The no-bell prize.

I love my family when they're buried alive.