Joke jokes

My dad asked, "Where are you going?"

Me: "Back to the orphanage."

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

If you read this, your life is a joke.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.

What's fast and almost got away?

A Mexican jumping the border.

My life, there, that was the joke.

What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?

A Mac Daddy Pro.

How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

You poke it on.

You want a joke? My entire existence.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?

Well, neither did she!

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

I got a joke.

Allahu Akbar!

Why do you go to the bank?

To get money.

When do you run from the bank?

When the cops come.