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What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

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    • Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.

    Who are the fastest readers in the world?

    9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.

    How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.

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    • The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)

    I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.