Joke jokes

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Fuck. Fuck who? What, are you kidding me? I just wanted to tell you a joke!

Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.

Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.

Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.

Guy #2: Why, what is it?

Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.

Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...

Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!

What did the Indian say to the fat man?

"Curry up!"

What did the one-handed man have for breakfast this morning?

Finger food.

My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."

So I said, "But which one?"

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!

What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

Do you wanna hear a Gay Joke...

Butt fuck it.