Joke jokes
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Do you like all the jokes I’ve been “cracking?”
Will you remember me in 7 years?
(Yes)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.
It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."
I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.
The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."
Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"
I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"
Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"
John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.
By Lewis
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer (no idea).
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.
HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.