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I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.

It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."

I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.

The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."

Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"

I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"

Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"

John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.

By Lewis

  • 3

    • The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

    Father: Son, you can do butter!

    Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

    Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

    Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

    Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

    Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

    Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

  • 3

    • 10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

    Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?

    He's a small medium at large.

    Who are the fastest readers in the world?

    9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.

    HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

    At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"

    Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

    Teacher: What?

    Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

    I'm supposed to put a joke here.

    But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?

    I'm sure you'll laugh.