Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
Joke Jokes
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
Have you ever walked through Stephen Hawking's house? No?
Well..... neither has he.
My wife still misses me...
But her aim is getting better!
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
What do you call an animal that smells?
A smelly-phant.
That joke is really not funny.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Worst joke ever.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody finds that one funny.
What did the parrot say when it saw a duck?
"Polly want a quacker!"
Worst joke ever.
Where did the king hide his armies?
In his sleevies.
Worst joke ever.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
What did 0 say to 8?
"Hey, nice belt!"
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Two of the worst jokes ever.
