Joke jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?
Stephen Hawking.
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
Why did the bum get a slap?
Because it was being too cheeky.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun falling down the stairs.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody likes that joke.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!