Joke jokes
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
Man, all these jokes suck. They're horri-puning.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.