So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
Joke Jokes
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
...... fuck the turtles...... THE END
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? He didn't have any BODY to go with.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
What is a chicken's favorite day of the week? Fri-day.
