Joke

Joke Jokes

Dark Humor

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

Life

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

Baby

What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?

Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...

Routine

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

Trash

You're so trash that when I dropped you off, I got a ticket for littering.

Fire

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

Female

What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

Dark Humor

Son: Mom, what is dark humor?

Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!

Mom: Exactly!

Banana

What music scares balloons?

Pop music.

Why would the banana scream "ouch?"

Because it is getting peeled.

Rape

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.

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  • Miscarriage

    What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

    Her miscarriage.

    Life

    Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

    Friend: What kind?

    Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

    Friend: That's not funny..

    Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

    Friend: I'm calling your mom.

    Me: She knows.

    Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

    Me: She's supposed to help?

    Friend: Have you told your dad?

    Me: I will when he comes back.

    Friend: Where is he?

    Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

    Friend: ....

    Me: What?

    Friend: Why?

    Me: Why what?

    Friend: Why would you joke like that?

    Me: I was joking..

    Friend: I know.

    Me: Oh. I didn't know.

    Friend:...

    Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

    Lift

    Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣