Joke jokes
I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.
Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?
Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why did the orange start blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
My favorite joke: My life.
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.
You're so trash that when I dropped you off, I got a ticket for littering.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.