Joke jokes

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.

What do you call a taco in bed?

Es(tá co)stado.

Who are the fastest readers?

9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂

Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"

HOLY CRAP!!!

Crap with holes in it.

Get it? HOLE - Y?

"Wanna play the rape game?"

"No!!!!"

"That's the spirit!"

What’s black and white and dead all over? My Chemical Romance.

I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.

I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

What are you good at?

Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.

Uranus? More like urine is gassy! (Uranus is urine, by the way.)

I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.