Joke jokes
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
What did Papyrus say when Sans served spaghetti to Frisk?
BONE-Appetit!
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
Why can't blind people fish?
Because it was "see food."
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Professor Poopypants!!!
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
Rape jokes aren’t funny!!! And definitely not something to joke about, what’s wrong with ppl, like seriously what a world we live in. This is sick!
Tell me a joke.
My life.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Please.
Please who?
Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.
Lol.
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
What do you call a taco in bed?
Es(tá co)stado.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"