Joke jokes
Whatβs the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.
What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They're both pointless.
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!
What was I saying again?
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! π
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, βA Bloody Mary?β
The vampire shakes his head. βHot water for me.β
βHot water?β
βI found a tampon out back and want to make tea.β
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?
Banana Joe: No.
Darwin: Is it a leaf?
Banana Joe: No.
Gumball: What is it then?
Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
Want another joke? Look in the mirror.
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?
A vegetable rack.