Joke

Joke Jokes

Butterfly

One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

Mom: "No you can't..."

Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"

lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.

Crash

I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?

Woman

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

Orphan

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.

Life

What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?

They're both pointless.

Tree

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

Wife

What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.

Vampire

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”

The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”

“Hot water?”

“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”

Accident

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

Butt

Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?

Banana Joe: No.

Darwin: Is it a leaf?

Banana Joe: No.

Gumball: What is it then?

Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!

Trick

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.

Cheese grater

About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...

He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.