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Joke

Joke jokes

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?

Matt!

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

I broke up with my ex girlfriend. Here's her number.

Sike, that's the wrong number!

ooooooooooooooooooooo

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

Snake one: Are we venomous?

Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?

Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)

Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.