Joke jokes

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.

What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"

Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀

Life's too short to want it.

Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍

The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."

What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?

What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?

They're both pointless.

Dark jokes are like water; some people just don't get it.

What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?

Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

After a minute, a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?

A panhandler.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso expresso.

JK, it's bleach.

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.