My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes.
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
Someone asked me why I'm Still here...the answer is simple I don't want to be used as a school assembly
What’s the difference between the twin towers and an airplane landing strip? Don’t know, neither did my dad
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."
What’s the difference between stephan hawking and a walkie talkie. He can’t walkie or talkie
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
