Joke jokes

What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?

A panhandler.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

September 11, bring your plane to work day.

What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?

A Kinder Surprise.

911 jokes usually go over my head.

Then it hits me.

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.

Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?

Because they are aimed at a younger audience.

The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.