Joke jokes

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

"What do we want?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

"When do we want them?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?

"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?

You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.

The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!

Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.