Job jokes

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?

"You're under a vest."

So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.

Today; worst day ever.

My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.

What is a pedophile's favorite job?

The mall santa.

Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?

Because it is a family company. 😂 😂

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?

He always gets a great turnout.

It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."