Job jokes

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.

I had to fix his collarbone.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.

It’s a job I can see myself doing.

What job lets you kill the most people?

An abortion doctor.

There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."

What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?

A Catholic priest.

What do you call an empty police station?

Banana Chicken.

I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."

What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.

I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.