it's jokes

I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!

Perfect dinner joke.

Did you hear about the new movie, "Constipated?"

It hasn’t come out yet.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. XD

Why is a circle gay?

It's not straight.

What does it say on Stephen Hawking's grave?

"Rust in peace."

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.

What is the difference between a human and a magic house?

To the Earth, is the human body of the human being human? Is it human? Human can be the one day today after the night is the snow time and a.

I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.

A woman goes to buy a parrot.

There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.

She asks why the last one is so cheap.

The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."

The lady buys it anyway.

When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"

When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"

When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"

One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"

The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."

The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"

The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."

They ask who, "The President?"

"No, more important."

"The president of another country?"

"No, more important."

"An ambassador?"

"No, even more important."

"Well, who is it?"

"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."

"Suck my sugar, honey, it's very sweet and juicy."

Some bread teacher: What will Reddit be in a few years?

Dumb Kid: DEADit?

Bread Teacher: You get an FY for FUCK YOU!

Bread Teacher: It will be BREADit!

Student: Hah, that's VERY funny! Might as well go to DEADit so I can die of laughter.

Have you seen the new movie "Constipated"?

No, it hasn't come out yet.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

102, if you have some alive ones.

My life, get it, 'cause I don't got one.

Why'd the snake cross the road? It was in the chicken's butt.

Sy’kyira (😌): I can’t wait for the therapist to come.

Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy’kyira (😅): SAME!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina (😌): I know, right?

I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"

Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.

Let me tell you a pun. Never mind, it's tearable.

A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a home on a small piece of land.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"