it's jokes

They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.

Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.

Sister: No, I won't stop.

Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.

Sister: What? You will see when I post it.

Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?

Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.

What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.

HOLY CRAP!!!

Crap with holes in it.

Get it? HOLE - Y?

Two mates walk into a bar.

Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"

Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."

Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"

Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."

Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.

Why did the camel cross the road?

Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.

I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!

Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One, if you throw it hard enough.

Why does the egg crack? Cos it's sad.

Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.

What is God's favorite planet?

Saturn because it has a ring around it.