it's jokes

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

I can't put it down.

Knock knock.

Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.

Grim Reaper who?

The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.

I got a great corona virus joke, but you wouldn’t get it.

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.

Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals!

How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?

Both of them.

What was OceanGate's biggest regret?

Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its dick.

Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.

Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.

What's it called when a Black person makes a joke? A joke, you racist.

JK, dark humor.

It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.

My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.

Me: "I came home laughing."

Parents: "What's wrong?"

Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

Parents: "What is it?"

Me: "Who farted?"

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"

"No," replies the adopted kid.

"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.

If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.

Like if you dislike emos.