it's jokes

JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11? Because it flew over their heads.

Your hairline is so far back that even Hitler wouldn't shoot it.

If a king farts, is it a noble gas?

I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

Why was the booty so good at math?

It knew all the ANGLES.

A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)

Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.

What can change color and get beat up?

You.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

Dear disabled people, simply go to settings and enable it.

What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.

What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.

What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

I was going to tell you a joke about paper, but it was too TEAR-ABLE. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.

Yo mama is so hairy that she brushed it like her hair and put pins on it.

Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.