it's jokes
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Jack fucked Jill's pussy till it stopped functioning.
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
Why was it wrong to throw my Chinese friend down the stairs?
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
You know what to do with this?
Get it to the same amount of dislikes and likes!
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.
What is the oldest animal in the world?
A zebra—it is black and white.
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.
Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
It's a RUF life in Africa.
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.