it's jokes

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?

"Just beat it."

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

I used to hate facial hair,

but then it grew on me.

It squirted in my eye, God dammit!

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.

How's it going @#$!

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

What do you call a hill with cows on it?

A Moo-ntain.

So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"

The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.

I ate a watch once... it was time-consuming.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

It's punny.

Yo mama so fat it took Nationwide three years to get on her good side.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk home from school today?