it's jokes

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Why doesn't the Chinese have a cricket team?

It's cuz they always eat the bat.

Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?

A: It's already done for you.

Life is like a penis. It is short.

What happens to teeth when they go in water?

Bro, I dunno, they get wet?

Your hairline is so far back, even Vegeta laughed at it!

Yo hairline so long, it makes you look like Mr. Clean.

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.

I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.

How does a train sneeze?

It goes, "A-choo choo!"

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.

Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!

I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.

It couldn't answer.