it's jokes

If orphans made phones, it wouldn't have a home button.

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that its family photo?

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!

What did the owl that's a detective say?

"Hoo did it?"

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?

Because it was High School.