it's jokes

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?

Because it was High School.

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?

Cat-egories.

Get it?

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?

Panera sped.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

This humor is so dark, it's darker than the Black population.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

I see a worm. Oh, no, it's just your hairline!

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back to it.

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To Be Continued."

How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.

What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.

Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!