it's jokes

I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.

Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.

What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.

I like to eat mom's spaghetti. Now try it with the NEWWWW VEGETTIIII, turn any vegetable into pasta!

What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?

Christmas!

Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.

I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.

Dad: Johnny! Johnny!

Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Dad: Did you hit your brother?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Telling lies?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Let me see your fist.

Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!

Dad: What is so funny?

Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!

Dad: >:(

Little Johnny: What? It's true!

Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!

Dad: Love you too, son.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Half of it. 🐛

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?

It's Morphine Time.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?

"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"

Who is the fastest reader? 9/11, it went through 10 stories in 7 seconds.