it's jokes

Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.

Boy: Okay, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Brick.

Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.

Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?

Never mind, it’s too long.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?

It’s called "Maybe Dick."

I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.

Guess what? It had no home button.

That joke didn't land well, did it?

Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.

Like it’s my next meal.

Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.

This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?

Turns out it was just a phase.

A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.