it's jokes

It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.

Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I got it down. I'm good at depression.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!

Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

Cancer is like a video game.

Some people cannot beat it.

What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?

Its butt.

I once got raped. I was asking for it though.

What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

One at the bottom that's still alive.

What's worse than that?

It's forced to eat its way out.

What's even worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

They are making a movie about clocks.

It’s about time.

What is similar between sex and fishing?

It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

4!

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.