it's jokes
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
9/11 and Jenga are the same.
It's a controlled demolition.
What is the New York fireman's favorite song?
It's raining men.
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself