it's jokes
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?
You: No.
Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your hairline goes so far back, the dinosaurs saw it before you did.
It's not rape if she doesn't say no.
Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
James: I have a joke. Sex!
Ronny: I don't get it.
James: Exactly.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
when is it normal to freeze before being raped?
when a policeman rapes you.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”