it's jokes
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't make it to home.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
After 12, it's lunch. 😂
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it hard enough.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.