it's jokes
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
If I measured your forehead, it would be 100,000,000,000,000,000 miles long.
I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.
If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.
What's the difference between Trump and a Cheez-It cracker?
The cracker is naturally orange.
TAOST, you didn't submit it, you fuck!
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
I made a website for orphans, but it didn't have a home page.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.
I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.
It was a gas.
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
"Does this make any cents?" a man says.
"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.