it's jokes

Stormtrooper: What happened with your garden?

Palpatine: Grew it.

Stormtrooper: What should I do with this guide for my test?

Palpatine: Review it.

Stormtrooper: My lord, what should we do with all this beef?

Palpatine: Stew it.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.

Why didn't the newest Star Wars movie start with the classic scrawl?

Because it was a Rogue One!

This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

I have a penis.

How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.

500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.

How do Asian people name their children?

They throw a pan down the stairs.

What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.

I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?

Spread the love!

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

Cancer is like a video game.

Some people cannot beat it.

Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.

My pen is so strong, ladies, come and get it!