it's jokes
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.
Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
Butter believe it.
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
Will Smith's slap was like 9/11. It came in unexpectedly and will go down in history.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree?
A: It left him/her/them hanging.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Why was an oven so smart?
It had 70 degrees.
I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
When does an emo get jealous at a phone?
When it dies.
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.