it's jokes
What's worse than dedicating your life to build back the towers? Doing it and getting terrorized for it...
Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
It's important to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 32,” is the reply.
“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”
“I was behind you at McDonalds’."
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
Why didn't the opening photo actually have a pic of sex on it? I have always wanted to see porn, too bad I have parents and a school Chromebook.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
What does Michael Jackson do with his meat? "Just beat it". His song btw lol.
Spell "I cup." It's funny.
"Chelsea is the most consistent team.
One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.
If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
what is it called when an illegal immigrant is getting raped?
alien vs predator
Bro's hair looks like Buzz Lightyear, going to infinity and beyond!
Lilly's hairline was so fat that Charlene could not find it on Roblox.
Charlene's hairline was so big that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.
Your mum's hairline was so big that Dora the Explorer could not find it.
Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.