IT jokes

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because his parents never came back with it.

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!

Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

Sleep, but make it forever.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

What is the smartest month?

April - No one can fool it.

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.