IT jokes
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
Why is the orange 🍊 the fastest fruit?
Because it never runs out of juice.
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
Why is 10 always afraid?
Because it is between 9 and 11.
Yo mamma is so ugly, even Ripley wouldn't believe it.
Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken!
Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.