IT jokes

I gave the blind kid a gun and called it a hair dryer.

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.

Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen

I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!

What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.

Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?

A: Because it was on crack.

Have you heard about the new movie with Stephen Hawking as the star? It's called "Unplugged."

When does it rain money?

When there's a change in the weather.

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Yo mama so fat, when she joined Team 10...

It became TEAM, 10, TONS!

How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?

It's only got 10 hours to live.

It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.

My heart is like a plane.

It crashes every once in a while.

Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

5 minutes later

Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

Teacher, the one sucking it?

Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.

Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"

A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!