IT jokes

What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?

And microtransaction.

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"

Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!

Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

Chuck Norris once stared a basilisk in the eye, and it DIED!

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

Violence is never the answer:

It's the solution.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.