IT jokes
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
9/11 wasn’t a terrorist attack, it was the world’s introduction to Sky Football
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.
Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.
When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.