IT jokes
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
Yo mama so poor she walked into an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!
Why does the sky think it's so powerful?
Because it's always looking down on us.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
Apex Legends: exists.
Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."
What did the sea say to the sea?
Nothing, it just waved.
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
Why is there bullying? They can handle it by themselves.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.