Wanna hear somethin' ironic?
When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
My aunt's star sign was cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you.", in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says "Cool, let me try!", and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says "Superman, you're an asshole."
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run
There's 3 things I hate. 1. Jokes 2. Lists 3. Irony
"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."
Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
